Being accountable and
responsible
Rashmi Oberoi
Arecent heated
argument on social
media brought to
light an issue which in
my mind didn’t
require to be debated
upon. In fact, I am surprised that in
this day and age people especially
men needed clarity on this subject
and that age old notions still
existed.
Male chauvinists who think that
after marriage only their parents
and relatives take precedence need
a reality check. Gender defined
roles of where a daughter must care
only for her in-laws and not her
parents is a retrograde notion.
Children – and gender does not
come into play here, are
responsible for their parents and
must take care of them, especially
in their old age. You can be married,
single or in a relationship – the onus
of looking after parents lies on the
individual.
A landmark judgement a few
years ago stated that a married
woman too is responsible for
maintaining her parents. In my
mind, if such an issue needed a
judgement from a High court, then
people have seriously lost a sense
of responsibility and righteousness.
After all, such an issue is not always
about demanding rights but doing
our duties too.
I am glad that many reject the
pre-conceived notion that a married
daughter has obligations only
towards her husband’s family and
not her own parents. But… I am
saddened to see many chauvinists
still living in under the false sense of
security that their ‘family’ comes
first over their partner’s.
We need a
stand in society that-if after
marriage a girl becomes a part of
her husband’s family that does not
imply she has left her parents’
family. This is not a barter system
going on or an exchange of goods
and services. We are talking of
responsibilities, feelings,
attachments and a sense of duty.
Marriage is like a bond - a bond
not just between two individuals
The time has come for
Indian society to shed its
patriarchal image. In our
society, the girl moves
into her husband's house
after the marriage and
this movement is
considered for some
reason to signal an end
of relationship with her
parents. She is now only
expected to bear the
responsibility of her new
family while her parents
are left to fend for
themselves.
but between two families - two
souls. Women do worry and are
afraid about what might happen
after 'marriage'. Given the backdrop
of our prevailing social cultures and
the way some priorities are forced
to change, especially for a girl, this
fear is understandable.
I’ve told a lot of my friends that if
you are ever questioned about your
responsibilities towards your
parents… A straight answer to the
question should be a natural: “Yes,
Hell Yes. Why wouldn't I?” Your
immense respect towards your
parents itself shows the responsible
side of your character. You are
smart, independent, educated and
responsible and still in love with
your parents – they are our first
love.
I understand it is easier said than
done. Life isn't sunrise and
rainbows. But when you comes
across such a situation where you
are asked to choose or even worse,
forced to comply… My advice: have
a clear word with him, be absolutely
clear about your responsibilities
and I am damn sure that the
mature ones, who truly deserve to
be with you, will understand you.
For the rest - never mind, they
weren't meant for you anyways.
Clarity of thought is of utmost
importance.
Men who are looking
for a full-time, unpaid
maid or caretaker as
their life partner, do
not understand
marriage at all. It is
after all, a woman’s
prerogative to choose
how she lives her life
and what roles she
wants to play. The
privilege cannot be
tampered with or
taken for granted.
The time has come for Indian
society to shed its patriarchal
image. In our society, the girl moves
into her husband's house after the
marriage and this movement is
considered for some reason to
signal an end of relationship with
her parents. She is now only
expected to bear the responsibility
of her new family while her parents
are left to fend for themselves.
In
several cases when the girl is the
only child, the parents have nobody to support them emotionally,
financially and physically in their
old-age causing them grave
hardships and pain. Even though
the provisions under Maintenance
and Welfare of Parents and Senior
Citizens Act, 2007 make the
daughter equally liable for her
parent’swell-being, the awareness
of such a liability is minimal in our
society. And any such attempts
made by the married daughter to
help her elderly parents by way of
financial aid is considered
treacherous by her husband and his
family. She is made to feel like a
traitor for taking up her parent’s
responsibility, which both morally
as well as legally is her duty and
such a treatment results in
reluctance on her part, finally
leading her to abandon her efforts.
There is a lot of awareness being
generated on the rights of the
elderly by way of special campaigns,
while also bringing in suitable
measures to end this patriarchal
bias. Men must realise that under
no circumstances can they expect
their wives to naturally play the role
of maid, cleaner, babysitter, a
working professional and at the end
of the day, be nice only to his
parents and relatives while ignoring
or discarding her own!!
Men who are looking for a fulltime,
unpaid maid or caretaker as
their life partner, do not understand
marriage at all. It is after all, a
woman’s prerogative to choose how
she lives her life and what roles she
wants to play. The privilege cannot
be tampered with or taken for
granted.
A hero is someone who
understands the responsibility
that comes with his freedom.
-Bob Dylan